Parenting and Codependence
By Stephany Cochran
By Stephany Cochran
Parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world and probably one of the most hazardous. While we were working from home, the team at Green Shoe started talking about the Post Induction model through the lens as a parent and how we teach/model the 5 core issues to our children. The focus of the parenting class is to explore the components of healthy supportive parenting.
- Loving responses towards your child
- Teaches your child they have value and worth
- Teaches them how to treat themselves in a loving manner
- Attending to your child’s needs and wants
- Teaches your child they matter
- Teaches them their needs/wants matter
- Teaches them about self-care
- Protecting your child
- Creates a feeling of safety
- Teaches them how to protect and contain themselves
- Verbal affirmations
- Teaches a child how to affirm themselves
- Creates intimacy and connections
- Providing structure and limits
- Teaches a child moderation
- Teaches a child responsibility and accountability
It is important to remember that as children, we experienced less than nurturing acts and moments. As a parent, I have been less than nurturing with my children. I am a perfectly imperfect parent. Hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I knew all the aspects about the model back when my kids were little. However, Grace is such a wonderful thing and a vital component of parenting.
One aspect of that Grace is what Pia talks about as Rupture and Repair. The less than nurturing act is the rupture. For example, as a parent I may have given the message to my kids that high performance equaled high value or self-esteem or taken my feeling about on my kids and yelled at them for not cleaning their room (this happened frequently). Even though I love them unconditionally, I have (and will continue to) make mistakes. However, the repair comes when I get to go back and apologize for my actions or go back and have conversations about the messages they received growing up and how that has translated for them today.
Some of our best moments and conversations have come out of repair. What an awesome teaching moment it is for kids to have an adult apologize to them and model what it is like to take responsibility for their actions and repair that relationship. I want my children to know I make mistakes and that it is ok when they make a mistake. Living as my authentic self out loud! It is important to model my self-care and asking for what I need both as a person and a parent, so my kiddos will do the same!
For more information on our online parenting workshop please visit our Parenting + Codependence Workshop page.