The Season of Boundaries
By Amanda Newlin
By Amanda Newlin
In the last few episodes of Green Shoe Conversations, our incredible team has expressed what healthy boundaries are. We put boundaries in place to protect ourselves however, you can fall into the trap of putting up too many boundaries.
You see, healthy boundaries are a way to state your current reality. You must understand what you need to protect yourself internally and externally, without taking on someone's emotions but also not overwhelming them with yours. You need to be able to break down your reality and have that dialogue with those around you. If you don't communicate your set boundaries you could end up hurting someone without knowing it or even ignoring the opportunity for the interdependence part of self-care (aka allowing help when you need it).
You see, healthy boundaries are a way to state your current reality. You must understand what you need to protect yourself internally and externally, without taking on someone's emotions but also not overwhelming them with yours. You need to be able to break down your reality and have that dialogue with those around you. If you don't communicate your set boundaries you could end up hurting someone without knowing it or even ignoring the opportunity for the interdependence part of self-care (aka allowing help when you need it).
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Our family is a prime example of invading one's boundaries. I mean, we've all experienced the holidays - right?! There is always that one relative you want to stay as far away from as possible. Whether it's because they kiss your cheeks while embracing you with a bear hug or maybe they ask you incredibly inappropriate questions for someone you see once a year... we all have that one person we keep at arm's length. My family is no exception. The difference, it's not just the holidays - it is every. single. day. we invade boundaries.
After coming through a rough season, my husband and I set boundaries to protect our marriage however, it was not until recently we started having tough dialogues with those we set boundaries with. Though they may have not done anything intentionally, they brought a type of negative energy that triggered that rough season neither of us wants to revisit. They are not bad people, they're just not the people we need right now in our reality. |
We were able to identify what we needed, what that boundary looked like, and how to communicate this boundary - this was not something that happened overnight - it took careful thought, prayer, and acknowledgment of what our marriage needed.
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Identifying what you need for you is crucial. Understand that boundaries may differ from who you are with and where you are. There is not a one-size-fits-all solution. Notice your surroundings, recognize the levels of containment and protection. Ask yourself, "How am I feeling in this situation." Being self-aware, to me, is the first step to acknowledging the boundaries you need to set to take care of you.
To quote the lovely Rebecca Holt, "Awareness of self is giving yourself the gift of space." Don't be afraid to ask yourself what your boundaries are and address them. In the end, you'll see a positive shift in how to approach people, situations, and how you care for yourself.
If you are looking for more guidance on boundaries our team at Green Shoe highly recommends reading "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. This book breaks down how to set boundaries in our increasingly digital world and helps you discover firsthand how sound boundaries give you the freedom to walk as the loving, giving, fulfilled individual you were created to be.
If you are looking for more guidance on boundaries our team at Green Shoe highly recommends reading "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. This book breaks down how to set boundaries in our increasingly digital world and helps you discover firsthand how sound boundaries give you the freedom to walk as the loving, giving, fulfilled individual you were created to be.
